By Dan Kersten
One study participant is seen here and could totally fucking take you.
A recent study published by the Binghamton Department of Public Health found, overwhelmingly, that children from Binghamton can “totally kick your ass.” The study analyzed 356 minors from the City of Binghamton and discovered that participants could easily fight any Binghamton University student, regardless of how much the student can bench.
The study’s author, Dr. Roseanne Benjamin, spoke to The BUTT about her findings. “In our study, we found that the vast majority of this city’s minors could easily take-on one of you fucks down with two to three punches. Hell, they could take two of you and walk away fine.” Benjamin elaborated, “Regardless of what physical training you have or how many people you walk with, if you come across a local child, you are going to be in for a world of hurt.”
This paper is one of a series of studies that analyzed Binghamton locals and their physical strengths. A previous study found that Binghamton senior citizens were also quite likely to win in a fight against a university student due to their considerable skills in using canes as weapons and racial slurs as distractions.
Benjamin ended our interview by slamming our heads against her desk and throwing us out of her office window.
The BUTT 