Mysterious Paul Manafort and George Papadopoulos Ghosts Haunt White House: Trump Not Sure Why Hillary Clinton Not Being Haunted
Breaking / National

Mysterious Paul Manafort and George Papadopoulos Ghosts Haunt White House: Trump Not Sure Why Hillary Clinton Not Being Haunted

Washington D.C. — President Trump leaped out of bed this morning, with his blanket and teddy bear named Little Mussolini in hand screaming. Trump ran straight for the kitchen, where he was lucky enough to be consoled by Mike Pence. Trump had been visited by ghosts claiming to have been wronged by the President. The … Continue reading

Sophomore Expelled After Muzzy Confesses He Wrote Her Spanish 115 Essay
Administration / Campus

Sophomore Expelled After Muzzy Confesses He Wrote Her Spanish 115 Essay

Sophomore Tina Lambert was expelled Thursday on accounts of plagiarism, after the furry extraterrestrial Muzzy admitted to the foreign language department that he wrote her Spanish 115 essay.   Since his fall in stardom after the launch of Google Translate, Muzzy took to the streets of Binghamton; living off Rolling Rocks and $1 McDonald’s meals. … Continue reading

Incumbent Mayor Richard David Bails Out Failing Fraternities, Celebrates with a Fucking Awesome Keg Stand!
Local

Incumbent Mayor Richard David Bails Out Failing Fraternities, Celebrates with a Fucking Awesome Keg Stand!

After being faced with harsh criticism from his opponent in the upcoming mayoral race, Democratic candidate Tarik Abdelazim, Incumbent Mayor Richard David took a big step towards improving infrastructure by bailing out over a dozen failing fraternities and sororities.   When asked for a comment on his bold new plan, tentatively called the Emergency Frat … Continue reading