Science Win! This Bio Major Found the Perfect Equilibrium Between GPA and BAC!
Campus

Science Win! This Bio Major Found the Perfect Equilibrium Between GPA and BAC!

  By Tom Casey The work-play balance just became a whole lot clearer. Overachieving biology student Sandra Lotus found Goldilocks’ perfect balance of classes and partying. “Obviously, average BAC and GPA are inversely correlated,” Sandra explained. “But I sought the sweet spot where good times and decent grades were maximized.” Sandra settled on the specific … Continue reading

Americans Begin Slow, Heavily Medicated Process of Accepting Trump as Possible President
National

Americans Begin Slow, Heavily Medicated Process of Accepting Trump as Possible President

By Dan Kersten, with contributions from Tom Casey After presidential hopeful Donald Trump won all five of the April 26 Republican primaries, Americans announced that they will begin the slow, painful process of accepting Trump as the possible President of the United States. The press release, signed by every American, stated, “It seems that, indeed, … Continue reading