Frightened Jeff Sessions Scurries into West Wing Mouse Hole to Escape Trump Confrontation
National

Frightened Jeff Sessions Scurries into West Wing Mouse Hole to Escape Trump Confrontation

By Kevin Brown Escalating tension in the West Wing today as President Trump attempted to confront Attorney General Jeff Sessions once again on leaks, only for him to flee into a West Wing mouse hole. The work day started off normal enough with Sessions asking Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson if he … Continue reading

Geography Departments Ends “Upstate vs Downstate” Argument With 42° Latitude Compromise
Campus / National

Geography Departments Ends “Upstate vs Downstate” Argument With 42° Latitude Compromise

By Tom Casey The age-old fight over what’s upstate and downstate New York came to a long awaited conclusion yesterday as the Geography Department announced its final accord. The Department settled on the 42° parallel as dividing line after weeks of tense negotiations. “Long Island and the City were no-brainers,” explained Department Head Larry Inglon, … Continue reading

Shocking Revelations: Donald Trump’s Big Secret
National

Shocking Revelations: Donald Trump’s Big Secret

By Alvito Distefano The United States, historically renowned for its national unity, is being torn apart by the surprise victory of Donald Trump in the Presidential election. Against all the odds, this political outsider soundly defeated Hillary Clinton…or so it would seem. However, after conducting some very thick investigative journalism, our award-winning team has uncovered … Continue reading