Breaking / Campus

School of Management Creates New Course That Helps Door-to-Door Frat Pledges Actually Get People to Come to Their Parties  

frat missionaries.jpgBy, Erin McLaughlin

BINGHAMTON, NY – Binghamton University’s renowned School of Management has finally created a course that helps frat pledges learn how to properly push flyers for their lame parties. The course teaches proper techniques for desperately knocking on residence hall doors to hand out flyers and other important lessons for pledges to succeed in various obnoxious endeavors. We interviewed the creators to learn more about these frat bros turned missionaries of depravity.

Mark Wallace, a Delta Sig alumni and chief creator of the Frat Pledges Salesmanship and Party Invitation Science 111 course described the recent development to The BUTT with pride in his voice when he said “We decided it would be helpful for the growth of Greek life in our community to have a course that teaches pledges how to properly advertise their parties, such as by knocking on doors in residence halls. The pledges who need the most help with their advertising techniques are the ones from frats that no one has heard of.”

The course aims to achieve those goals by teaching frat pledges proper door knocking techniques, how to create flyers with a paint splattered background, and the most effective inflections for asking “who do you know here?”

Luke Dickläd, a freshman pledge for Tau Alpha Epsilon, told The BUTT what he hopes to gain from the course this semester: “I really hope that by the end of the course I can learn proper persuasion techniques and increase my obnoxious tendencies so that freshmen girls will come to our parties and to be accepted by the frat.”

Wallace added, “We also plan to teach the students how to make punch sound more exciting than just extremely watered down Everclear. In addition, through instruction and practice we will teach them other ways to say ‘it’s gonna be lit, so you and your squad should pull through’ to make the sales pitch for their party stand out from all of the other frats.”

Tyrone Miller, a senior in Delta Sig, was the first frat brother to suggest that the School of Management should have a course that teaches pledges how to properly intrude upon students trying to do homework in their rooms, in order to increase the attendance and subsequent lit-ness of frat parties. “Being persistent and obnoxious in residence halls on a Wednesday before a party, and life in general, is super important for getting people to pull through.”

According to the School of Management, some units of the course include: Methods of Metaphorical Dick Sucking to Make Hazing Less Painful, How to Spot Desperate Freshmen Girls, and the most intriguing topic of the term Truth or Myth: It Feels Better Without a Condom. According to the pledges we surveyed, it is not a myth.

The School of Management hopes that this course succeeds in helping to enhance Greek life in the community by helping to increase attendance at weekend ragers.

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