Sophomore Tina Lambert was expelled Thursday on accounts of plagiarism, after the furry extraterrestrial Muzzy admitted to the foreign language department that he wrote her Spanish 115 essay.
Since his fall in stardom after the launch of Google Translate, Muzzy took to the streets of Binghamton; living off Rolling Rocks and $1 McDonald’s meals. Thus, he could not pass up the $15 he was offered by Lambert to write her composition piece.
“I couldn’t keep living on the streets. I figured maybe I could start an essay writing business, but as soon as I submitted the assignment on Turnitin, I knew I had to come clean,” grumbled Muzzy through his knotted, seafoam-green fur.
Lambert’s Spanish 115 professor, Arthur Roswald, said he was suspicious of Lambert’s exceptional composition piece, as she had received C’s on all her previous assignments. “I knew she must have had help writing it when I didn’t see muy and mucho placed between every other word – but I would have never expected to see Muzzy in the door to my office,” says Roswald.
Muzzy claims that he felt guilty for writing Lambert’s essay since he was never in the BBC programming series for the money.
“I did it for the smiles on kids’ faces when they would run up to me and say ‘hola Señor Muzzy!’ I didn’t do it for a quick buck. I have never felt as awful as I did when I spent the $15 Tina paid me on a pack of Newport Lights and beef jerky at Speedway,” said Muzzy.
Though Lambert appealed her expulsion, citing her sorority bake-sale, recent break-up, and astronomy exam as reasons for plagiarizing; Harpur College would not budge. According to the university, academic dishonesty is not tolerated – especially when the incident involves a celebrity in the foreign language community.
Lambert plans to take her foreign language credit at home, and then transfer to SUNY Albany. Muzzy told The BUTT: “I want to get sober, and then maybe move to the Netherlands to teach impoverished Dutch children how to speak Spanish.”
Muzzy does not plan on seeing Tina or returning to the Southern-tier after the incident, but was thankful he could leave campus with a good conscience.
By Erin McLaughlin
The BUTT 