National

Frightened Jeff Sessions Scurries into West Wing Mouse Hole to Escape Trump Confrontation

By Kevin Brown

ジェフ・セッションズEscalating tension in the West Wing today as President Trump attempted to confront Attorney General Jeff Sessions once again on leaks, only for him to flee into a West Wing mouse hole. The work day started off normal enough with Sessions asking Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson if he could touch his hair as they stood by the water cooler, when the Attorney General noticed President Trump round the corner. “I knew he wasn’t in a sound state of mind, you could smell the eleven herbs and spices on his breath from across the hallway,” Sessions later recalled.

It took mere moments for Trump to trudge over to him, berating Sessions with criticisms and wildly inappropriate statements. “He told me that I wasn’t doing enough to investigate Hillary’s emails, that I was beleaguered and weak, and strangely enough that I look like an aged up version of the Pillsbury toaster strudel boy. Although, I can kind of see where he’s coming from with that last statement.”

Sessions was only able to escape the awkward encounter after noticing a mouse hole located at the base of the wall near Trump’s feet. Little Jefferson proceeded to duck into the hole; leaving behind an angry Trump who, after getting down on all fours, yelled after him to “resign or else.” Ben Carson later recalled, “I found it so odd that a man whose entire brand is based around firing people would be so unwilling to fire this one guy.”

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