By Constantine Markotsis
THE HAGUE- Emperor Shihuangdi has decided to press charges against US President Elect Donald Trump in an international patent suit over allegations that Trump’s proposed border wall blatantly plagiarizes his own Great Wall of China.
Shi Huangdi’s legal team will be headed by Kristen Danielson of the prestigious Hooke, Lyne & Sinker firm based in Brooklyn, New York. For the moment, Donald Trump has decided to nominate Rudy Giuliani, Francisco Franco, and Peter Griffin of the Walt Disney Corporation to represent him in court.
At press before court proceedings in the Netherlands were set to commence, The Qing Emperor stated “I was honestly shocked that anyone would even dream of using my methods after we all saw how well the wall repelled the Jurchen tribes and the Mongols. At this point, we’re just happy that the settlement could be my first source of income after those nosey bureaucrats shut down my off the books casino in Atlanta. They especially got all fussy when I didn’t pay the builders for their work on my palace, or the undue hullabaloo when a lot of them ended up in the wall.” His Imperial Eminence and Goose King then picked up his golf clubs and set out for his favorite course, Waste O’ Time Environmentally Destructive Businessman Sport Links, for a round of golf with his friends Ivan the Terrible, Fidel Castro, and Robert Moses.
Donald Trump followed up via Twitter stating “That dum dum is going to pay bigly. I never lose in a fights with Frenchmen!” The President Elect then spent the rest of the morning screaming at Chipotle establishments within close proximity to his lair.
The tweet was followed by 30 minutes of nonstop laughter in the streets of Beijing, the real winner of the 2016 US presidential election.