By Dan Kersten
In a press statement released earlier today, Baxter the Bearcat, beloved mascot of Binghamton University, apologized for drunk calling President Harvey Stenger for the second time this month. Baxter wrote, “I can only begin to express how truly sorry I am for disturbing President Stenger in the early morning hours, once again.”
According to several unnamed sources, Baxter left Tom and Marty’s Tuesday night at approximately 2:00AM. Almost immediately after being, as Baxter wrote, “politely asked to leave,” the mascot called President Stenger for a ride back to his UP apartment.
Stenger did answer the phone call but refused to drive the drunken mascot home, according to several unnamed sources who were in Stenger’s bedroom at the time. Stenger, who declined to be interviewed by the BUTT, allegedly asked Baxter why he was downtown on a weekday, adding, “Dude, it’s not rush week anymore.”
After being denied a ride home, Baxter began a drunken tirade that lasted several minutes. In his statement, Baxter wrote, “I am especially sorry for telling [Stenger] that I wished that I had gone through with my transfer option to Cornell. I can only imagine how much that hurt him.”
Baxter announced in his statement that he shall be taking a leave of absence for the remainder of the semester. The university has announced the interim mascot is Dave from accounting.
According to Baxter, if UP had actually gotten that State Street Shuttle that it advertised last year, this whole unfortunate incident might have been averted.